I'm having a really dark day. NO, not the usual I love and revel in darkness kind of day… I mean a literally black day. No light whatsoever… and to make matters worse, the two things I had planned to do today both involved me being outside, and now its raining. So fuck it… I get to sit indoors and ruminate and you get to hear about it.
I'm just so panicked that I am wasting away and I won't achieve any of my dreams. I"m having serious jitters that time is running out and may have already run out long ago. The fact that this might be true is causing me so much stress that I'm having continuous heart palpitations on a daily basis. Moreover, if there is nothing and no place left for me, then what the fuck will I do with myself until my ticker gives out? What am I to do with my sexual and emotional longings? Am I going to pass from this world without having experienced the joy of mutual love? and unfulfilled? Odin's Balls… what the fuck do I care if the secret longings of my troubled soul are displayed for casual observers to cast pity upon? In a fucked up way I've given up on myself. Maybe I should eat an apple and do some push-ups.
Ah… there is a light now… THOR the movie is opening today! I'll go sit in a dark theatre, eat popcorn and wallow.
See you later then.
PS… and for the God's sake… don't try to make me feel better. I'm not broken and don't need to be fixed. I'm simply toxic and that just takes time to wear off.