Friday, April 5, 2013

The Ghost

The Ghost
from Thirteen Black Roses: Gothic Romantic Poetry by Christopher Courtley

As I walk the sodden banks of this river of human souls
That hurry onward to their common destiny
I observe them as they say their lines and play their little roles
And dance to the tune of a tragic symphony.

I haunt your world like a ghost mourning the life it lost
A shadow watching from the corners of your envied existence
For I cannot cross the river you have crossed
And so there lies between us an infinite distance.

But sometimes in the ocean depths of your eyes
I can see the shimmer of a shining yesterday
Like something you just couldn't exorcise
That left its silver lining amid the grey.

As through this carnival of souls I move unhurried
The baggage of my former life left far behind
Gone but not forgotten, though deeply buried
A priceless treasure none will ever find.

In the masked and painted faces of the figures passing by
I read a thousand books that say the same damned thing
A thousand different ways, and with a lonely sigh
I seek the solace solitude will bring.

So here I stand alone, and here alone I stay
I cannot enter your world, nor will you enter mine
My one remaining hope is that one day
They will once again collide and recombine.

And sometimes in the ocean depths of your eyes
I can see the shimmer of a shining yesterday
Like something you just couldn't exorcise
That left its silver lining amid the grey.

My very talented friend Chris wrote this poem. It is haunting me this evening. It has touched my soul. I am broken today, open, weeping. My father, I discover, has stage 4 lung cancer. He has been given 3-5 years to live. Radiation and chemotherapy.

I am at work when I find out. It is lunch time. I put down the phone. It does not hit me right away. 10 minutes later I am overwhelmed. I am open. I understand. He won't live to be an old man like my grandfather and his grandfather.

He smoked two packs a day. None of us are surprised. Still, it hits me. He is only 68 this year. I hope he gets the 5 years. I want him to know all about my life. I want to tell him all the things I never told him. I want us to be on the same side of the river.

The thing I know is that I weep for knowing the ending.

You can read more of Chris's lovely poetry by downloading his book for free at Smashwords.


Vincent said...

Sorry to hear the news and thank you for sharing, Camille. Your words are as well expressed as your friend's.

May you and your father find the time you need. Take care.

Ms Corpse Cafe said...

Thanks Vincent.

It is truly a difficult time.

I appreciate your sincerity.

The emotions are flowing, definitely.

Waes Hael,


KickinAssTakingNames said...

Camille, I am so very sorry about this news. Like you, I found out about my mother's stage 4 ovarian cancer over the phone while at work, and I had the same 10 min. or so delayed reaction. It was a feeling unlike any other. Complete, utter sadness/anxiety/overwhelmedness/devastation. I empathize with you and feel your sadness and fear along with you. I will keep you and your dad in my thoughts, trying to send good energy your way. Do your best to help keep Dad positive. It will buy him some time. My mom shouldn't have made it past 10 months with her diagnosis, but she made it 4 years, which I'm convinced was because of her positive attitude and determination to live life and not dwell on her illness. Bless you, and many virtual hugs.

Ms Corpse Cafe said...

That is very nice to hear, about your mother. I'm encouraged. It has certainly put a change of attitude into him. I believe he is trying to make positive changes in his life and we are all supporting him with it.

Thank you so much,


KickinAssTakingNames said...

Camille, I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are. I worry when I don't hear a peep out of someone. You haven't posted in a while, so I hope you are ok.