The Problem With Life

There is really little I dislike more than organized religion. It's a matter of distrust I suppose, which goes to say that I obviously trusted at one time and then later was let down, betrayed, disappointed. The proverbial fall from grace.

When we are children, we all think of our parents as Gods; Goddess Mom, Goddess Dad. Parents usually have no idea what they are doing and even if they do, they are doomed to fail because their children will fall from grace at some point regardless of how much care and effort went into their 'parenting' and the children will blame the ensuing horror on the parents... the former Gods and Goddesses of their lives.

Aside from the psychology of it all I figure this is why I dislike organized religion so much. It's just a reiteration of the parent / child relationship that failed to live up to my grandiose expectation of it.

I have some experience with this. I have been a child and a parent. I've seen both sides. It can go wrong. Very wrong. I can't say that I've seen a situation where it has not gone wrong. Even if the parent / child relationship seems to have survived the inevitable fall from grace (I'm talking about age 14... think back people) and been repaired there is residual resentment that causes us to go our own way and not follow in the footsteps of our parents. It is natural.

So how can I believe that following in another's footsteps would be beneficial in any way? This is what organized religion asks of us. It beckons us to follow its doctrines, learn it's wisdom and let it guide our lives.

Hah... like I would ever let that happen.

My mistrust is obvious.

Yet I yearn, as I suspect many do, for a connection with a group of like-minded people. Wanting to connect is something so powerful it can drive us to do things that go against our better judgement. Such as falling in love. Who in their right mind would fall off a cliff in the hopes that someone would catch them before they smashed to bits on the rocks at the bottom? But that is what is happening when people fall in love. They do it all the time. The desire to connect overpowers the rational judgement that following another is not a logical thing to do.

This is also the case in organized religion. Giving one's self, one's sense of moral judgement, even one's center of gravity over to a set of principles belonging to a bunch of people interpreting a fictional character's experiences of the world. Even if this experience seems like good advice, what drives people to abandon themselves in this way?

Well, I'll tell you. Like wolves, humans are pack animals. We depend on each other to survive. We must get along or none of us survive. So people tend to do what everyone else is doing... and this is because of organized religion. The bible, the koran, the saints, the goddesses, they tell us what to do and none of the fallout or the consequences of our actions are our responsibility because they told us to do it.

Our world is built on the insanity of organized religion... and it started with our parents. It's their fault. Lol.

Again its obvious I struggle with this, not in a superficial way, but in an endless war with myself over my actions that has caused my life to be shaped into a perverse amalgamation of addiction, passion, action and the lack of action that leaves my center of gravity wobbling to and fro in in a static nightmare of indecision, like jogging on the spot, looking left to right to left to right and I can no longer move because everywhere I look there is reason to believe I will fall off that cliff if I move.

Hahahaha... why am I not insane? The definition of insane is doing the same thing over and over with the same results. I would say jogging on the spot looking left to right to left to right qualifies.

Well maybe I am insane.

I have no answers.

For sure I am at least a little bit crazy. Maybe when I run out of steam I'll end up somewhere else, by default.

This is my fascination with death and the reason for it. I see no answers in all the places I've looked in life. Death is the only religion I know nothing about and have no mistrust of. No one else knows anything about it either. Therefore there can be no authority to bastardize its existence.

Seems like a safe haven for me.